I started a 100 Day Challenge at the beginning of the year and over the last month my Goal has changed drastically. I now find myself 1/3 of the way through this pregnancy and hitting an all time emotional low and the realisation that maybe I need to stop trying to give to other people and perhaps instead working on extreme self care is more important.
This pregnancy has already opened a huge creative side and I have been painting labyrinths, creating affirmation flags, making clay goddesses, painting, colouring in, dancing and even took part in a 1 month creative challenge.
As well I have been running Dancing for Birth Classes.
The realisation that I needed to gift myself extreme self care has been a difficult one. It feels utterly selfish but also like I am giving up when it comes to my business.
I can list what I really would like – one of those being the support of an older woman tribe but as that is not readily available, nor is the opportunity of going away on a retreat I have been looking at what I can create for myself – so finding all the resources I have got together to give to other women.
I am amazed and staggered to find out what tools I have available for myself. The last couple of days have been a wallow, I find with my depression I need to hit rock bottom and sit there for a while before I have the strength and energy to climb back out.
This morning I spent some time in my sanctuary I have created in our spare room. I have done a meditation/yoga practice, chanted and drummed, given myself a card reading, burnt incense, and played some relaxing music while I painted.
Allowing myself to dive into Birth Art over the months has been really interesting but today I really felt the benefits as it unlocked some really deep fears left over from my previous pregnancy, hospital birth and death of my son. Fears that if not allowed the freedom to be and be examined and overcome could potentially have a negative effect on my upcoming birth.
So this mornings practice has left me feeling reflective and relaxed and feeling incredibly calm. It’s made me realise the importance of ‘practicing what I preach’ but more importantly the huge benefits practices such as Birth Art and mediation can achieve.