The prescience of my jounrey with Bryn happened right at conception. With my first pregnancy I had this amazing sparkle or stars feeling deep in my womb – it was light and I was so excited – I remember driving down the road to work on cloud 9 – and really understanding what that meant – floating, I felt complete there was so much light in the world.
But with Bryn, I had this feeling of dark forboding – something I couldn’t quite shake off. Happy to be pregnant again but just something.
It wasn’t until the 20 week scan that it all fell apart – in the scan room and we excitedly were pointing out the baby to our 4 year old and then the woman scanning said ‘would you just mind waiting in the waiting oom for a bit I need to get some help with this scan machine’ (or something – it didn’t sound worrying but while I was sitting there on the chair it dawned on me that no, this wasn’t normal – this was like a film where the parents are suddenly going to be given The Tragic News.
And that doom feeling got stronger.
Back in the scan room we were shown a problem with our baby’s stomach – she called it a ‘second stomach’ and mention of a referral to somewhere else.
I froze and as we were walking out of the hospital my legs turned to jelly and I just fell to the floor in floods of tears my partner caught me and hustled me out of there – another pregnant woman was on her way in and I caught her eye – I always wonder how her and her baby are doing now.
And so the journey began
Becoming Pregnant
